So you’ve opened your gifts and you’ve had your morning cup of eggnog—this is a judgement free zone—and now you’re looking at your family and the rest of your day wondering, “My god, there’s going to be a lot of time to kill between now and the new year.”
Well, you’re in luck! Movies are here to rescue you from your post-present malaise. For the price of a movie ticket or five, you can sit back in a dark room and be transported for a few hours. Plus, you can buy some overpriced popcorn and really make it a killer Christmas afternoon.
Studios love to stack theaters with movies over the holiday break, so there are plenty of options, and I’m going to help you sort through them all.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
There’s a new Star Wars out, in case you hadn’t heard. Sure, the movie came out before the holiday, and sure, you’ve probably already seen it. But maybe you haven’t, or maybe you were waiting to take the kids (be advised, it’s surprisingly violent in spots), or maybe you just want to watch it again. Either way, Disney has quickly turned Christmas into Star Wars Season, and we just have to get use to it. So as my favorite Bluth would say, “here’s some money, go see a star war.”
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
As a child of the ‘90s, this new take on Jumanji disrespects my heritage. But Welcome to the Jungle isn’t for me. It’s for the kids! And look, it’s got the Rock, so I’m sure it’ll have its moments of amusement. But mostly it’s for the kids, so if you’re stuck with a few of those, this is your best bet.
The Greatest Showman
Hugh Jackman is starring as P.T. Barnum in a musical about how the famous hoaxter and circus peddler exploited the oppressed and cast out in society as museum “freaks” for a gawking crowd. But in an empowering way! Look. If you want to see Jackman, Zac Efron and Michelle Williams in a musical, this is the movie for you. I’m not sure why you’d want that, but maybe you have a grandmother? Who knows.
Pitch Perfect 3
The supposedly final entry in the Pitch Perfect franchise brings back everyone’s favorite a capella superstars for a global tour and a lot of jokes. The second film in the series already saw some diminishing returns, but there’s something to be said for spending the holidays with a group of hilarious women being hilarious.
Downsizing
Alexander Payne made a movie about Matt Damon shrinking down, literally, to help reduce humanity’s footprint on the earth. It’s a crazy premise, and one I didn’t entirely believe was real until I saw the trailer. I never should have doubted. While I’m not sure how Downsizing will possibly turn its premise into something bigger—pun intended—it may well be worth spending the couple hours to find out.
Father Figures
Owen Wilson and Ed Helms play brothers who learn they have a number of potential biological fathers. That’s it. Oh, and Glenn Close plays their once-promiscuous mother. And that’s it. It’s a comedy.
The Post
Spielberg’s new drama about the Washington Post’s publication of the Pentagon Papers is opening in limited release in time for Christmas, and it’ll be one to take your dad to. The Post is the first major film to be made entirely in response to the Trump administration. The project only got going earlier this spring, made ready in time for awards season. By most accounts its a film totally uninterested in subtlety, which may be just right for these crazy times we’re living in.
Bright
This one is a cheat, because it’s actually a Netflix movie, so you can just stay home and watch it. David Ayer directs a Max Landis script starring Will Smith and Joel Edgerton in a film about police officers and orcs taking magical forces. Look, I don’t understand how this is a real movie either, but we’ll all soon find out.
All the Money in the World
Ridley Scott is a madman. Not only is All the Money in the World his second film of 2017, he reshot a whole chunk of the film with a new actor in a matter of weeks! Christopher Plummer memes aside, a thriller about the Getty kidnapping starring Michelle Williams and Mark Wahlberg promises to be a good time at the movies, and exactly the kind of mid-tier Hollywood film Scott often excels at.
Molly’s Game
Jessica Chastain stars as a woman who ran the highest stakes poker game in the world, in a the directorial debut from Aaron Sorkin. Though the West Wing creator has his haters, anyone who likes that fast-paced style of dialogue is surely looking forward to Molly’s Game. Will it reach the heights of Sorkin’s best work? That’s unlikely. But sometimes all you really want is a couple of hours spent watching smart people talk smart, and Sorkin has always delivered on that front.
Phantom Thread
Those lucky enough to live in New York and Los Angeles are getting a new Paul Thomas Anderson movie this Christmas. And what’s more, it stars Daniel Day-Lewis in what is supposedly the legendary actor’s final film. And on top of that, select screenings are being presented on 70mm film! Any P.T. Anderson movie is an event, but after the more niche Inherent Vice, Phantom Thread looks to be a return to more accessible fare. It’s still Anderson, though, so this story of a fashion designer and his love life is sure to be unlike most anything else we’ve seen before. What could be a better Christmas present than that?
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7pr%2FQrqCrnV6YvK57xKernqqklravucSnq2iln6u2pr%2BOmmhtbGZofXd8jpucrKxdmLWztdKtpJqrXZmuunnMqK2inaNif3F9lmg%3D