Mario’s getting up there in age. He’s been around for 41 years, which isn't that old, but considering he had to have been at least 30 in his 1981 Donkey Kong debut, that means he's edging on 71. Sure, time works differently in the Mushroom Kingdom, yada yada, but perhaps Mario should stop it with the extreme contact sports and take it easy.
Time to retire and play some bocce, Mario. Come on, we know the Bowser feud is all an act. You guys party and play together constantly, so take a break. Would Mario be a good bocce player? For that answer, you have to ask yourself if anyone's a good bocce player. The answer there is yes, my grandmother is and she could kick your grandma and Mario's asses at bocce. —C.S.
Super Stars: 1.7/5
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