I do not generally delight in attacking people's style on the internet. On platforms ranging from Twitter to Reddit's Male Fashion Advice forum, it's often just regular guys who are just getting into fashion and looking for advice on the subject. These men are to be celebrated, and greeted with either validation for good looks or constructive criticism of ones that could maybe use a little help. Either way: Good for them!
But today is a different situation entirely. Because last night, apropos of exactly nothing, conspiracy theory-spouting ghoul Mike Cernovich jumped on Twitter to dole out some unsolicited fashion "advice" for his fans in a truly phenomenal thread. The guy didn't get a fit off—not once. And I am delighted.
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For those unfamiliar with Mike Cernovich—I envy you, truly I do—here's a brief primer. First off, he was deeply embedded in the rise of both Pizzagate and Gamergate. The former peddled the (completely unfounded) idea that there was a ring of Democratic pedophiles operating out of Comet Ping Pong pizzeria in DC. The second was basically just an excuse for misogynistic gamers—and then misogynists of all stripes—to harass women online.
Speaking of misogyny, Cernovich has also openly advocated for rape online, though he'd probably tell you this was just part of his fight to defend masculinity and "free speech." Because, fun fact, he's a lawyer, and he paints himself as a social and legal crusader in an overly PC world. (He's not. He's just a troll.)
I'm telling you this not because we should listen to his terrible ideas, but because you should know how bad everything else about this guy's approach to life is when you see this tweet:
Buckle in, folks! Mikey's got something you need to hear. And see, apparently. Because he followed that up with a bunch of selfies of him wearing outfits that fall somewhere between Frat Guy Trying to Look Grown Up, Grown-Up Guy Trying to Look Like He's Still in a Frat, and Just Plain Bad.
Here's one where he's definitely looking forward to graduating. Please take note of this gem: "Remember a Women notice shoes immediately." Stirring stuff. Also, those shoes seem...unremarkable?
Here's one where he's fondly recalling his college days. Listen, there's nothing really wrong with a simple outfit like a plaid shirt and jeans. But this one is profoundly blah. And what's really amazing is that Mikey Boy is presenting it as some sort of revelation. "I always stand out." I mean, yes, your hideous views make you pretty visible. But a million other dudes have worn this same kind of outfit because they were tired and didn't feel like thinking too much that morning.
And here's my favorite. Because, really, what the hell is happening with this suited-up look? What is that piping? Why does it manage to cover both too much and not enough of the front of his jacket? Why is the tie the color of Mountain Dew? What is that tie knot? Has Mike Cernovich never tied a tie before? Why is this in my brain now?
There are a lot of good reasons to not listen to Mike Cernovich. The fact that he makes his living by being awful is chief among them. But if you'd like another very good reason to greet everything the man says with a healthy mix of derision and amusement, just look at the way he dresses.
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