Sometimes you've gotta call a spade a stinking pile of horseshit. You know the deal: You're sitting at work, bored out of your skull, and BS is no longer cutting it. You need something forceful. Hilarious. Eloquent. Fortunately, Mark Peters, card-carrying member of the American Dialect Society who happens to write the Best Joke Ever column for McSweeney's, has your number. Here, in an excerpt from his new book, Bullshit: A Lexicon (Three Rivers Press), Peters shares five colorful phrases to add to your vocabulary.

Atento a lo que vas a leer, por favor. "Vuelvo blancos a los osos polares y te haré llorar. Hago que los chicos tengan que mear y que las chicas se peinen. Hago que los famosos parezcan estúpidos y que la gente normal parezca famosa. Vuelvo marrones tus tortitas y hago burbujear tu champán. Si me aprietas, reviento. Si me miras, exploto. ¿Puedes resolver la adivinanza?". Este curioso y enigmático acertijo se hizo viral hace un tiempo en TikTok, acompañado de la (poco creíble, a nuestro juicio) explicación de que cuando se pidió a los estudiantes de Harvard que lo resolvieran, el 98% de ellos se equivocó, pero en cambio, el 83% de los niños de guardería a los que se hizo la misma pregunta, la acertaron.

50 Crown The Black Count: Glory, Revolution, Betrayal, and the Real Count of Monte Cristo, by Tom ReissYou’re probably familiar with The Count of Monte Cristo, the 1844 revenge novel by Alexandre Dumas. But did you know it was based on the life of Dumas’s father, the mixed-race General Thomas-Alexandre Dumas, son of a French nobleman and a Haitian slave? Thanks to Reiss’s masterful pacing and plotting, this rip-roaring biography of Thomas-Alexandre reads more like an adventure novel than a work of nonfiction.

Animal HouseThe National Lampoon masterpiece continues to set the bar for cinematic depictions of collegiate debauchery. See John Belushi in one of his greatest roles as a fraternity brother at the riotous Delta house, as the brothers fight a college dean who wants to see their charter revoked and their house disbanded. Amazon Apple Netflix The Big Lebowski“I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

Edward ScissorhandsWhen most directors create a film inspired by their childhood, one might expect a typical coming-of-age tale with, you know, a human protagonist. That changes when said director is Tim Burton. And the result, much like the rest of Burton's canon, is unsettling on its surface and moving at its core. Johnny Depp stars as artificial humanoid Edward Scissorhands who, as you might have guessed, has scissors for hands. When Edward’s physical roadblock to human intimacy is exacerbated by falling in love with the daughter of his caretakers, his development unravels in oddly beautiful ways.