Many of you may not be familiar with one Mr. Harold Watson "Trey" Gowdy III, South Carolina Congressman, and for that you should be thankful. He's the chairman of the House Benghazi Committee, the one that's currently rotating Hilary Clinton on the spit during today's hearing, an event only one dancing bear short of a three ring circus. It's a position the self-styled Tea Party attack dog assuredly relishes, but he's comported himself throughout the entire sordid Affaire d'Benghazi with the spiteful demeanor of a One Direction fan haranguing against Harry Styles' latest girlfriend. You may know him as the guy who has been trying to catch Clinton sharing classified information in her Scarlet Email Account, saying she compromised the name of a classified CIA source. The only problem is the Libyan defector's name wasn't classified, and, whoops, his committee actually forgot to erase the name they considered so vital to national security from their own public release on the matter. GOWDYYY!!!!!
While there's certainly more hijinks to come as the hearing progresses for the rest of the day, and on until the end of time when the life-giving heat of the sun dims and humans are forced to seek refuge as mole-people huddled in the deepest recesses of a barren earth, it occurred to me, watching Gowdy in action, that there might be a better target for his ire than Secretary Clinton: he should really be having a long, frank discussion with his barber. What did he know and when did he know it?
A politician with a bad haircut isn't really all that notable, but Gowdy, who's only been in office since 2011, has somehow managed to cycle through a menagerie of follicle abominations heretofore unheard of. It's as if he walks into the barbershop every couple of weeks and picks out the cut he'd like to try in the style book at random, but only after setting the thing on fire, and breaking the barber's fingers before asking him to get to work.
That may sound like an exaggeration, but here, see for yourself. Do an image search for Gowdy on Google, and scroll down a bit. I haven't seen so many bad haircuts in one place since literally every other time I've turned on C-SPAN. But in this case they all belong to the same poor bastard.
With that in mind, I took a look back at some of Gowdy's various styles from over the years, in order to ascertain the worst of the worst. And to help you request them the next time you're due for a cut, here's what you should ask for.
Grandad's First Fauxhawk
Media Platforms Design Team
Gowdy Doody
Media Platforms Design Team
Zombie Pat Riley
Media Platforms Design Team
Dinner Theater Christopher Walken
Media Platforms Design Team
Disappointed Kraut-Rock DJ
Media Platforms Design Team
Recently Fired Soccer Manager
Media Platforms Design Team
Thrice-Used Q-Tip One Day Before Retirement Called Back In For One More Job
Media Platforms Design Team
Constipated NBA Ref
Media Platforms Design Team
Voldemort's Brother the Lawyer
Media Platforms Design Team
Anthony Kiedis at His Grandson's Wedding
Media Platforms Design Team
Just Wait Until Your Father Gets Home From Work at the Secret Service Young Man
Media Platforms Design Team
Jack Skellington
Media Platforms Design Team
Hated Everything at Fashion Week
Media Platforms Design Team
The Dopesick George Clooney
Media Platforms Design Team
Roger Sterling Post-Rehab
Media Platforms Design Team
Luke is a writer from Boston who writes the newsletter Welcome to Hell World and author of a book of the same name.
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7pr%2FQrqCrnV6YvK57zZ6urGWgpLmqwMicqmimlazAcK2Scmdyb1%2Bpv6bFjKCmsJypYr2pu9Ooqmg%3D