Short for financial domination, "findom" is a fetish lifestyle that involves a man giving money to a woman—oftentimes a woman he knows only through the internet. What the man gets in exchange is up for negotiation. It can vary widely. Sometimes, the man will buy the findom—the word doubles as the term for the woman who is the dominant one in the relationship—a specific article of clothing that the findom wants. In return, she might send him a photo of her wearing it. Others pay simply for the privilege of interacting with a beautiful woman.
On the opposite end of every findom relationship is the so-called pay pig—a man who happily gives money away to a woman on the internet in exchange for her attention. Often called simps, their motives vary.
To better understand what motivates a pay pig, for the latest installment in our new series on The Secret Lives of Men we interviewed Bill*, an avowed simp, about why he enjoys giving his money away to women he may never meet.
* Names have been changed to protect the subjects’ identities.
Bill, 27, New Jersey
I’ve always been shy with women. I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 21, in my last year of college. I learned a lot about myself sexually with her. But we were long distance—she was still in school for much of our relationship—and I didn’t have a full-time job at the time, so it was hard to maintain a stable relationship. We both realized it was better if we went our separate ways, and in 2020, after four years, we broke up.
Then Covid started, and that’s when I got really into the financial domination community.
It was lockdown, and I was stuck at home, living with my mother. (I’m Italian.) I had a steady job by then, and I brought my computers home, set up a workstation and spent my days doing nothing but working and scrolling on Twitter. I found a post from this one very pretty girl who was being really rude to men in her mentions. We call them "brats."
That’s when I first saw the word “findom.” I typed that into the search bar and I found girls from all around the world offering to dominate men. The more days I spent in lockdown the more I considered it. Eventually, I was like, Okay, let me give this a shot. I found a girl and started being her pay pig.
I would send her $100 a day. Twenty dollars here and there, for breakfast, lunch, dinner, a few more payments on the side. She would write, “You work so hard. You make so much money. Why don’t you relieve some of your stress and send some of that money to someone deserving like me?”
She would flaunt her feet around in pictures. We would role play. She was the captain of the cheerleading squad and I was the nerd who wasn’t good enough for her. She would text me about making me smell her feet in the classroom. (I have a foot fetish.) It was provocative.
Other times, she would humiliate me. “I’m gonna go out and fuck some other guys while you stay at home because you’re a loser,” she would write. “You can pay for my night.” She started to get more extreme, hostile, and that was more than I was asking for.
Her and I built a relationship but then it fell through. I was losing a lot of money. I looked at my bank account and was like, Shit. I had sent her $2,800 in a month, which was a lot for me, almost an entire month’s pay. I stopped texting her and she reprimanded me for not sending her money everyday. She really had her hooks in me. I had trouble saying no to her, so I had to block her.
I would call myself more of a community whore. I don’t really like to settle down with one findom; I like to send money to multiple women. I know it sounds ridiculous because every guy is competing for these women’s attention, but being a pay pig made me feel special. When you pay-pig, you are, more than anything, paying for access to the woman’s time. I had never had much luck with girls, but with findoms on Twitter I finally had the opportunity to speak to women out of my league.
I’ve always found it hard to speak to women. I grew up with a single mom, so I have profound respect for women. I would never want to push any boundaries with women, so much so that I struggled to even speak to them. I just never knew what to talk about and I never wanted to press any conversation. Going out to a bar and hitting on a woman—I don’t know if I could do that without making a fool of myself. I’ve tried speaking to women after a few drinks and it didn’t feel comfortable.
Pretty women especially intimidated me. I saw myself as a bit of a nerd, and I never saw the nerd getting the pretty girl in the movie. In a way I was attracted to that; this bratty, beautiful mean girl picking on the nerd. I never got picked on myself. I was too nice for that. But that’s why it was a fantasy of mine.
I was social growing up. I played football and lacrosse. I was funny—I emceed our school fashion show—but when it came to one-on-one interactions, particularly with women, I would always trip up. I’m an introverted extrovert.
Sometimes I won’t have any regard for my bank account. I won’t care about how much I’m sending.I first realized I liked to be dominated when I was 18. I was browsing PornHub and saw this video of a woman squeezing her legs around a man’s head and I was like, Holy shit. I was really turned on. I liked that someone so small and petite could cause a man so much pain.
A couple of times I did session play, which is in person. I booked a session with a sex worker who specializes in mixed wrestling, an embellished wrestling match between a woman and a man where the man intentionally loses and the woman physically and mentally dominates him. I paid her $300 and we met at a hotel room. She wrestled me—she squeezed me with her legs, sat on my face. She made me faint a couple of times. She put my head between her thighs and squeezed my neck, cutting off my airflow, until I lost consciousness. I asked her for it.
Another session lasted six hours. That was with Lia Labowe, a famous Brazilian jiu jitsu grappler who has lots of followers on Twitter. My relationship with her started with me buying videos of her wrestling other clients. Eventually, I booked a session of my own with her, which was $1,000. She met me at a hotel in New York and went back and forth between wrestling, and eating and relaxing. She’s super pretty. She kicked my ass. We still text. I’ll send her money for a pedicure, a manicure, drinks. She’s a great person.
There was never any sex in these sessions. It was just wrestling. I would take pictures and videos and create memories and store them in my spank bank for later, but there was no sexual contact between us during the sessions.
I wasn’t indulging my fetishes with my girlfriend. She knew I had a foot fetish but she hated feet. I can only imagine how she would have reacted if I asked her to knock me out. I would buy wrestling videos off clip stores and get more of a rush from them than I did having vanilla sex with my girlfriend.
Once I moved out of my mother’s home, I stopped pay-pigging as much. I had rent, bills to pay, groceries to buy, and less disposable income.
But every now and then the urge to pay-pig would skyrocket. It felt like an addiction at times. I would find a girl and send her $500 in a night. With Twitter, all you have to do is type findom into the search bar and you’ll find someone. I spend around $800 a month on findoms now, or about $10,000 a year.
I make $130,000 a year now, so I can afford to pay-pig but I have to keep it in check. Sometimes I won’t have any regard for my bank account. I won’t care about how much I’m sending, and I’ll want the woman to just take all my money.
Around Christmas, I got my big year-end bonus. I had a gram of cocaine to myself and spent the week doing coke and sending money to a handful of girls, probably $4,000 total. That was a bad time for me. I had lost control.
I regret a lot of things, but losing money isn’t one of them. You can always make money back, ya know? This is my fetish. I just have to live with that.
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